Is it okay to be selfish?

Do you ever think about yourself? Are other people in your life a priority which leaves little time for you? Are you so busy that you feel exhausted and burnt out most of the time? Then this is the blog for you!

The definition for selfish is:

devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc. regardless of others.

Now, I'm obviously not saying that we should be selfish by disregarding others needs and only thinking about ourselves. What I am saying is that caring for ourselves and putting ourselves first once in a while, is imperative.

The messages we give ourselves:

I need to be there for other people

Are you someone that always puts others first? Children, family and friends. You feel as though you owe it to them to always be there and tend to their needs before your own. I can be guilty of this myself. Before I make any plans, I have a mental list of other people that I consider first, including the dog. Very often, I won't make that plan because my child has an after school club, the dog needs walking, or even the ironing needs doing!! An important message we all need to tell ourselves......

There will ALWAYS be something else!

So the next time you are considering something that is just for you, be a little selfish. Consider other ways in which your list of absolute priorities can be met, and if there is anything that can wait till another day.

I can't say no

Are you someone that would feel guilty saying no to a request from someone else? Like they will think bad of you and stop thinking of you as a nice kind person? Are you defined by what others think of you? By doing so, you are putting yourself last in order of importance. It can lead to feelings of resentment, overwhelm and even anger. Ask yourself these questions:

Do you really want to do it? (No).

What will happen if you don't do it? (They could ask someone else or wait till another time).

How will you feel if you say yes? (Resentful, fed up, tired, angry).

Solution - Respond kindly and politely that you are not able to help this time.

Being kind also means being kind to yourself. Have a think about what your life would be like if you showed yourself the same kindness that you show to others.

I'm too busy

Your life might be extremely busy. You could work long hours, work away from home, have children and a house to look after. Financial burdens could mean that you are working longer hours than usual. Despite all this, there is always time. If overtime came your way, you would do your utmost to fit it in, so why can't you fit in little moments for yourself? Prioritise all the things in your life and practice saying no when you need to.

Ask yourself this question:

Is this how I want my life to be in ten years?

If the answer is no, then start to make changes now.

Start off small by taking just ten minutes that is all for you. It could be sat alone with a nice coffee, reading a book, having a bath, reflecting on the way you feel and what your body is telling you.

Plan in advance and slot time in your diary to do something you love. You will soon start to see the benefits of thinking about yourself and taking the time to care of yourself. Being busy will not feel like so much of a strain because you have moments for you and also enjoy your life by doing things you love.

FIND BALANCE

I don't deserve it

I can relate to this one. I was someone who used to put so much pressure on myself to be someone that I wasn't. My house was never clean enough, tidy enough, decorated enough. My appearance was never fashionable enough, attractive enough, smart enough. My work was never important enough, high achieving, paid enough.

I spent so much of my time trying to improve everything because I was not good enough in my own eyes. This left zero time for myself because I felt as though I always had to do better somehow. I didn't yet deserve time for me until all these imperfections were sorted out.

IMPOSSIBLE

It was only after I worked on myself in counselling and in my own time, that I realised what I was doing. I was burnt out and unhappy and who was I doing all this for?

If you can relate to this, take a step back and ask yourself what are you trying to prove and who is it all for?

You are good enough and you deserve to look after yourself and become your own priority.

We will never be perfect but we can

be ourselves perfectly.

Click here to take a look at what I offer as a counsellor.