.png)
Are you stuck in a relationship with someone who makes life difficult? Or maybe the behaviour of a friend or family member makes you upset, stressed or anxious.
There is a lot of information at the moment about how we 'should' walk away from relationships that make us unhappy, but this is not always possible. We might not have any choice than to keep these people in our lives, or cutting out a family member might feel too distressing. Here are a few tips to help you survive within these relationships. However, I must stress here that if someone is harming you physically or emotionally, please seek help -
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/ https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/domestic-abuse/
BOUNDARIES
Boundaries are limits on what you are prepared to accept. So for example, by putting your needs first before meeting the demands of others. If you are used to making sure everyone else is okay before yourself, then this can be exhausting. Get used to saying no to people who expect too much of you. If you are someone that feels bad if they don't do everything that people ask, then this can cause stress because you end up with little time for yourself. If someone does not respect your time and constantly thinks of themselves before others, then decide how to go forward with this. Will you start to give them a little less of your own time or maybe let them know where your boundaries lie and what you are not willing to accept.
The types of boundaries that you can set within relationships are based around; emotional, sexual, physical, material, intellectual and time. Think about what you are and are not comfortable with in each situation and if possible, respectfully communicate these to the person.
SELF CARE
Difficult and negative people can have a real draining effect on the way you feel. Maybe you can't do anything right in their eyes, or you are constantly criticised.
It is important to step away from this and concentrate on yourself. What do you need right now? It could be some time alone to reflect on your feelings. Accepting the way you feel and why can be very powerful in helping you to process the situation and deal with all the emotions, rather than them causing anxiety and stress.
Do you need to switch off and do something you enjoy? It could be reading, listening to music, watching a film or going for a walk. Reflect on what could be missing for you right now. Could it be sleep, exercise, diet or fun? Self care is making sure you are physically, mentally and emotionally well.
DISTANCING YOURSELF
You can still remain kind and compassionate while taking a step away from manipulative, controlling or selfish behaviour. If someone is being abusive or irrational, you can decide not to engage in the conversation. Try to explain calmly that you will not be taking part in the conversation and move away from the situation. Sometimes it is impossible for you to meet the needs of someone who is never satisfied, so try and take a step back from always trying to please them and meet their demands. Distance yourself from any drama that they create. This could be complaining about other people or family members. Choose not to get involved and leave them to their negativity. By stepping away from these things, you can begin to consider your own needs and not always theirs.
OCCUPY YOUR MIND
If someone in your life constantly creates tension and unease, it is difficult to think about anything else. However, if you consider the things you love or things that interest you, you can create a life where can can find peace by implementing more of them into your life. Maybe you could learn something new. Have you ever thought about possibly learning something, but have made excuses in the past? Maybe because of time, money and even because you think you don't deserve it? Then seriously consider it right now. It could be a new skill to enhance your career (or even a new career). It could be something fun like dancing, singing, music lessons.
It will give you something that is just yours, give you a new feeling of self-worth and something that is positive. Check out student funding or lessons on YouTube if money is an issue. Other than learning, think of all the other things that bring you joy and do more of them.
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE
People that make you feel good are brilliant for the soul. Be around people that accept you for who you are and make you feel good about yourself. When you have such a negative and draining person in your life, these people will help you to see yourself for who you really are, will boost your self-esteem and confidence. It can be so easy to get swept up in the criticisms, the demands and the conditions placed on you that life can begin to seem dull and uninviting. Positive people will help you to realise that life can be great and this will encourage you to have a better attitude and accomplish more, despite your circumstances.
LIST YOUR STRENGTHS
Have a think about your strengths and what you like about yourself. If you find this difficult, then consider what good friends and family would say about you. It can be all too easy to get caught up and begin to believe everything that negative people say to you. When you are more aware of your strengths, you will tend to use them more, resulting in higher self-esteem and happiness. Maybe you could create a strengths plan by coming up with one of your strengths and how you will use it. For example, for Monday it could be kindness. "I will be kind by texting my friends and telling them why I love them." For Tuesday it could be cooking. "I will choose a new recipe and try it out." This will boost your mood and make you feel good about yourself.
CREATE SPACE
If the difficult person lives in the same home as you, try to create space where you can. This could be spending more time in another room so that you are able to distance yourself. Think about something you enjoy and keep busy. As mentioned earlier, reading, listening to music or learning something new. That way you will have an excuse if necessary. Go for a walk outside. Fresh air and nature are great for your mental health and can help you to feel happier. Exercise releases endorphins, stimulating relaxation and reducing stress. If you are able to, make plans doing things you love and seeing friends outside the home environment.
I hope these tips have been some help to you in your difficult situation. It is always good to talk about what you are going through and how someone is making you feel. This is a very effective way of helping you to process what is going on, to gain some clarity and to get to know yourself and your needs more. If you would like any information on what I offer as a counsellor, please don't hesitate to contact me, using the form below.
Commentaires